When Faith and Fear Lived in the Same House
- Tiffany Mensah
- Oct 22
- 3 min read
Written by Executive Director, Tiffany Mensah.
Sunday mornings were traditional and routine growing up. People assume children in church automatically feel safe. But what happens when “home” and “holy” coexist with harm? In my house, we prayed loudly, but the arguments were louder. Scripture was quoted in the same rooms where control lived. The same voice that preached forgiveness also demanded control and compliance.
That’s the complexity of growing up in church while surviving domestic violence; it distorts your understanding of love, leadership, and God Himself.
Disclaimer: I’m still a disciple of Jesus Christ. My faith is intact. It did, however, take years of healing, counseling, and re-learning correct theology to get here. ANNND safe pastors who also became advocates. This is my story, not an indictment of every church.
I wrote Forgotten to name that tension; the sacred and the shattered living side by side, because I know I wasn’t the only one. But alongside naming that tension, I also explored how I healed it and how safe Pastors walked alongside to disrupt the cycle.
When ministries teach that “love endures all things” but never clarify that abuse is not love, people stay trapped in shame disguised as faith. When leaders avoid the topic, victims assume silence is acceptance. When forgiveness is preached without safety, survivors learn to sacrifice themselves at the altar of appearances.
Too many churches have avoided this conversation, unsure of what to say, afraid to get it wrong, or believing it’s “a private matter.” Meanwhile, families sit in pews every week, praying for safety they don’t have at home. I’ve heard women whisper, “My pastor told me to pray harder.” I’ve met teens who watched abuse play out in homes filled with Scripture. I’ve counseled leaders who later admitted, “I just didn’t know what to do.”
Healing came when I realized God wasn’t the author of my pain; it was people’s misuse of His Word. God doesn’t require silence to prove loyalty. He doesn’t confuse endurance with bondage. He never asked His children to confuse abuse with love.
Now I teach churches how to become what mine couldn’t be: A place where faith and safety can coexist.
What the Church Can Do Right Now
1. Speak it from the pulpit. Say the words “domestic violence” out loud. Survivors in your congregation are listening. They’re waiting for permission to believe that God doesn’t want them trapped in abuse.
2. Train your teams. Equip pastors, ushers, greeters, and ministry leaders with trauma-informed language and resources to support them in their roles. When someone confides in them, they should know how to respond safely and compassionately.
3. Collaborate with community partners. Faith leaders don’t have to do it all alone. Partner with local shelters, advocates, and organizations trained in crisis response. When the Body works together, healing multiplies.
4. Create visible safety. Put hotline numbers in announcements and bathrooms. Include domestic violence awareness in your marriage and family ministries. Small signs of safety can save a life.
If you lead in ministry, consider this: When was the last time someone in your congregation heard that abuse is not God’s design? Silence keeps people suffering in the name of God. Speaking truth sets them free. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but this can’t be a one-month message. The Church has the power to model what love that protects looks like.
To be the light of the world, it’s time to shine that light into the dark places we’ve avoided for too long. When light shines on darkness, no longer can it hide. To the churches, pastors, and leaders doing this, thank you sooooo much!
Tiffany
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